mainpg: a tribulation called burden
I always thought prayer was just asking You for answers and nothing more. In fact there is
more than my human heart could ever dream of. For me it is talking to you while listening
beyond myself. You have made me see a whole different world. You have turned me to feel
people's hearts. I Love people no matter who they are or what they have done. Especially
when they are delivered from sin. Personally I would not trade this calling for the world.
Prayers make me the very person I am. And Love, You work in the most broken people. Now I
see that You are Love which spells denying my flesh. Sometimes when I think I've got it
together I don't:
Beloved, so many things have dwelled in my heart. I still see Your light in my soul even
though it feels dark inside here. Each day is a dream yet to be played by reality. I want
so much to cry as dawn breaks. Can you tell my soul I am leaving the flesh. Days can seem
like years if your life has no meaning.
So many that all I remember is You touching this withered and colorless child. As I am
walking finding my back in the rain on muddy ground. Cold because faith floats away while
strength becomes lost in the Wind. The Wind blows as if it were a bull charging with rage
at full speed. I am crawling with all desire steaming in my eyes. Having nowhere to go
keeping quiet as the trees who are dying. Calling out a cry in desperate pain. Not my will
but Your will be done. Seeing the Past snapping at my heels behind me. Paying it no mind
while mercy keeps me at reach. Demons snare about trying to block the path. And Satan
tries luring me with Deception in Your truth.
Lifting my head just enough I whisper prayers but speak in tongues in the Spirit of God.
So desperate enough I can hear them loudly with utterance to make it through. Surrounding
me more evil grows closer that my body shakes. The wicked taunts are like mean little
children. Circling and joining together in a chorus to exploit the fleshly desires.
Feeding on them as a pride of lions devouring their fresh kill. I lay there trapped with
my mind stayed on You. Find Your joy slowly beginning to pull myself to move.
Silently praying in tongues a beautiful dove appears. Quite golden in color with spots of
white. Not mention the eyes are so peaceful. Then quickly a spotlight of the Holy ghost
breaks through darkness. Demons scatter blinded by the glory of God. Back to their places
trembling as rage seeps in the glares they make. And begin to huddle to come up with what
to do next. The spotlight with indignation is transfigured as a flaming shield.
Continuing on I feel the cross of deliverance near. There not too far demons disguised as
snakes slither across covering my body and I fall. Hitting the ground, while mud splashes,
the rain pours harder. Barely able to move blood covers me from the previous attack. My
purple garment, torn like rags, as the crown sits shining in the rain covered in mud. I
cry out, I love You, with a lifeless voice to You. Suddenly the peace of God that passes
all understanding warms me.
Snakes of all kind disappear leaving their bites to remind me of the world I used to be
in. Tears roll down my eyes sweetly satisfying my thirst for Your Love. Now I am lost
feeling alone, unwanted, and torn to pieces. Trying to hang on because my efforts have
failed me. Looking around in mere hopelessness I have nowhere to turn it seems. And to top
it off the path that has been chosen seems hard to find. So I surrender to You in the
middle of the rain.
Only now does the dove become You in person. I look up to see You with the compassion you
felt when You were put to death. Hurrying as fast my body crawls on. You sit on the cross
as if it were a throne. Feeling my burden and hearing the whispers of prayers. I look at
You with tears crying, Forgive me, Lord Jesus! You whisper, "Come to me ye that are
heavy laden and I will give you rest." The path is narrow enough to show in the mud.
To the right is a rose, purple and white in it's beauty, planted. I pick the rose while on
my knees. And stop to smell it which reminds me of the Holy Ghost so soft. Moving closer
to You with the rose in my mouth. The Past reappears but this time grabbing hold of my
legs like a prisoner escaping from jail. So strong I jerk back again falling with the rose
dropping. Reaching to break free I grab my crown, placing it on my head, rebuking the
stronghold. Pleading the Blood of in the name of My Love. That no weapon formed against me
shall prosper. And the Past lets go wailing with crimson red eyes. You stand with the
Sword saying, Away from Her! Which sends the Past back hurling back to the abyss. You then
reach for me with Love to make it. Quickly with the rose in my hand I scurry about with
pain. Not about to walk striving for the Love in my heart.
Entering into the light where You stand the rain lightens. The closer I get to You is I
say in my mind over and over. Reach the last step pulling on You. As You are glorified by
my broken fragile frame. Pulling on with what desires I have left. My blood stains the
robe Your wear. You hold me so close as the Holy Ghost appears. Finally laying my head on
Your body restless. One by one slowly the snake bites heal. Resting in safety the flesh
breaks in two. Tears pours from my eyes as the pain leaves my scarred soul. Claw marks,
like chains, break from my feet and I hold on. You wipe the mud off my face and forehead
seeing beauty. With the rose clenched between my teeth. The rain then ceases as You say,
Sin No More. I allow my soul to wrap around Your body. And never let You go, while
smiling, saying I am Home!
D. I. V. A. 1998 ~ November 3rd '98
Kenidra R. Stinnett